GOD HATES RUSSIANS!
by the troublesome twins
Summary: GOD HATES RUSSIANS! no offence to russians...It's april the month of tricks and pranks...only god decided to play a small prank on two certain russians. yaio sorta (reixkai talaxtyson)
1. Default Chapter

God hates Russians (no offence)

Anni: time to be a comedian.

Kai: cool!

Anni: Well people enjoy!

Disclaimer…I don't own any beyblade people…so don't steal!

chapter 1

Kai was made to sit their…sit through it all…another movie…

"He's behind you!" Shouted a very nervous Blonde haired boy.

"Shit!" Shouted the navy haired boy sitting behind the chair.

Again another stupid horror movie. This one was Halloween it was stupid…

"AHH! MICHEAL JAKSON!" Shouted Rei. As they all screamed and fell over the couch. A smile crept over Kais mouth as he saw this. Rei was on the floor nearly wetting himself. As Max and Tyson both glared daggers at him. Kai stood up from his sitting position and stretched. He walked over to the TV. And turned it off.

"HEY I WAS WATCHING THAT!" shouted Tyson from behind the chair.

"Yeah I thought you were watching your knees more…are they that interesting?"

"Well…I don't know I was watching the movie!" Tyson shouted at Kai as Kai just froze…pure horror was on his face as he began to stutter.

"D-o-n-t-t-u-rn-r-ound" Said Kai as his body just froze.

"W-w-w-why what's there?" Asked Tyson as the three boys turned round slightly…

"BOO!" Shouted a voice…

"A WAREWOLFE!" Screamed Max as the three boys ran behind Kai.

Kai smiled as the three boys launched themselves behind Kai.

"I'LL SAVE YOU!" Said Kai in a silly hero voice. He took a pillow from the couch and walked up to the wolf thing. He the swiped the wolf across the head and the mask came off and flew towards Max.

"HOLY SHIT IT'S HEAD POPPED OFF!" Kai looked to Max as duck feathers fell from where the pillow had hut something.

"Hehe APRIL FOOLS!" Said Kai as Tala stood beside him.

"KAI!" Screamed Tyson as he launched himself on Kai trying to hit him.

"Abby training?" said Tala as everyone except Tyson sweat dropped.

"Oh right!" said Tyson as he got back up and helped Kai back up.

"Sorry no hard feelings o.k!" Said Tyson as he held his hand out for Kai to shake.

"Urm…OK-NOT!" He said as he swung his fist with a force at Tyson's face.

"KAI!" Shouted Rei as he knelt down to the injured Tyson.

"What?" He said in a wining tone.

"You shouldn't have hit him."

"He bloody well deserves it!" Kai said as he walked up to Tala.

"Nice prank!" said Kai as Tala smiled.

"Couldn't have done it if it wasn't for your movie plan and your fake fear expression." Said Tala as they both laughed.

"Well I have to go…see you all later!" said Tala as he picked his mask up and headed for the door.

"You coming Kai?" he called. Kai registered this in his head. Before nodding and following after them. Kai and Tala shared a penthouse at the top of the hotel that Rei, Max and Tyson.

: Penthouse:

"Hehe that was classic!" said Tala as he walked in and started to take his shirt off.

"Yeah I know! You should have seen them before you arrived…Tyson was over the couch and so was Max Rei was on the floor in laughter…they are really funny!" he said as Tala walked into his bathroom.

"Well it was fun while it lasted!" he said. Kai smiled at his motto. That had always been Tala's motto even when they where younger Tala always had that motto.

" I just wonder what Tyson will be?" Said Kai with a smirk. He walked into his room and got changed quickly before silently falling under his bed covers quickly falling to sleep.

The next morning he was woke up to a high pitch scream.

"KAI!" Kai sat up straight and ran across the giant penthouse.

"Hurry!" She screamed again.

"How the bloody hell can I run faster. My legs will turn to bloody water." He noticed his voice had become a little higher.

'Strange' he thought but kept running to the girl's voice.

As he found the source in Tala's bathroom.

"Hey you where's Tala." Kai asked the girl. She had fiery red hair that was in plats and was wearing Tala's night stuff.

"Kai…It's me…" She said as she turned to Kai.

"Tala?" He asked,

"Yip I woke up like this and I'm guessing you know what I mean?"

"Tala! I thought we said we wouldn't discuss my cross dressing again."

"Cross dressing? I meant cause you're a girl too."

"I am...?" said Kai as he lifted his hands and placed them on his butt.

"That's smaller and squishier," he said as he then felt his stomach.

"That's less toned," he said as he then lifted his hands higher to feel.

"HOLY SHIT I'M A GIRL!" Said Kai as Tala looked at her.

"Well this is new…" Said Tala as she sat down on the couch with a cup of tea.

"I know we're girls…I mean we're hot girls!" Kai said joining Tala.

"Well do you want to tell Tyson and co. or should I?" asked Tala

"Wait I have a better idea…we're girls…lets take this to our advantage." She said with an evil smirk.

"What? I wasn't gay in the first place." Said Tala as she spat out her tea.

"Yes you were you wore a cat suit!" said Kai as Tala nodded.

"But so are you!" Said Tala as Kai choke on his drink. Before he swallowed it again and just nodded. Tala looked surprised,

"I thought you were straight!" he said.

"Well you would think that if you lived in an all boys abbey…wouldn't you?" she said.

"So what's this plan?" said Tala as she leaned in to hear.

"Well…."

Anni: Finished!

Kai: A GIRL?

Anni: That's right Kai thanks for noticing my sex.

Kai: I thought it was another yaio.

Anni: nah couldn't be bothered putting that part of my brain into work.

Kai: If you want to know what me and Tala are going to do just review…


	2. chapter2

Chapter2

Anni: Thank you!

Kai: Yeah we got reviews!

Anni: I would like to thank all of you seperalty but I think I will do that in the second chapter because then I know that you are reading it.

Kai: Yeah…anyway enjoy

Disclaimer…I don't own any beyblade people…so don't steal!

Chapter 2

:previously:

"I know we're girls…I mean we're hot girls!" Kai said joining Tala.

"Well do you want to tell Tyson and co. or should I?" asked Tala

"Wait I have a better idea…we're girls…lets take this to our advantage." She said with an evil smirk

:now:

"Hurry up Tyson! We want to leave quickly!" shouted a certain raven-haired boy.

"Fine I'm coming!" said a navy haired teen.

The boy ran out quickly pulling a white polo over his head. Walking down the hall with his head stuck.

"—RAY" wined Tyson as he stopped.

"Hurry up!" said Ray as he walked faster leaving him behind. Tyson stood there his top still only covering half his body as his hands were dangling around in mid air.

"Ray? Are you there?" he said as he started swinging his arms.

"Ray you better be there!" his hands trying to move but no such luck. He stood there just swinging his arms. When two girls came down from the penthouse stairs.

"Hey Kai…There's Tyson…" whispered the red haired girl.

"Hehe lets make it fun!" said the long blue haired girl. They quietly ran up behind him. Giggling in this process as the red head pushed him causing him to fall to the ground. The girls both burst into hysterical laughter as they ran away.

"Man Kai that was fun!" Said Tala as they giggled.

"I know…but we have to go to BBA headquarters!" She said striking a superhero pose!

:BBA headquarters:

"What do you want?" Asked a very impatient Hiro.

"Well we need your help." Said Kai as she looked at Tala and winked.

"Well sorry my job description didn't say HELP THE SLUTS!" Tala growled at this before leaving the room.

"What's her problem PMS?" Said Hiro as kai sat in her chair strangely.

"No not really." Said Kai as Hiro looked at her.

"So what was it you wanted?" He said before Kai got up and walked round to him.

"Well…I was wondering…" She said as she trailed her hand down Hiro's chest straddling him. "I…was just wondering...If I could let you in on a little secret."  
She said as her hand lowered down to his trousers…she started to unzip his trouser before she finally dug into his boxers and found what she was looking for. She began stroking it, as Hiro moaned in pleasure.

"I…want to know…" He said as she placed her head up to his ear.

"Hi! I'm Kai Hiwatri I was turned into a girl by a Russian hating god and now I know that I can even pleasure my own coach…" Hiro was shocked before Kai stood up and walked over to the door.

"Tala you can come in again!" she said as Tala came back in. by now Hiro had pulled up his trousers and sat properly in his chair.

"Tala!" He said. As he looked gob smacked

"Well the RUSSIAN HATING GOD! THING GAVE IT AWAY!" She said .

"O.k…I would love to stay and chat but we kinda need to go back to our team without them knowing that it's us." Said Kai.

"O.k. just leave that to me!" Said Hiro before leaving them two.

Kai looked down to her breasts "Thank you!" She said as Tala laughed.

"I take it he bought it?" Asked Tala as she stood up. Kai looked at her then smiled.

"OF COARSE!" She said before laughing. Ass the girls left the room they couldn't help but wonder what Hiro was going to say.

Suddenly a phone went. All the boys searched their pockets until they found whose phone.

"I think- Hold on I'll go check the others!" Said Rei as he walked out of the room and into the other room. He pulled out his bag and opened it up trying to search through it. Throwing loose items away.

"Next He'll bring a lamp out of there!" Said Max before giggling.

"I no! You're the male Mary Poppins!" Tyson commented.

"Shut up. I gotta find my phone!" Said Rei as he got really frustrated.

"Rei?" Called Tyson.

"SHUT UP I'M TRYING TO FIND IT!" Shouted Rei

"But Rei it's in your butt pocket." Said Tyson again.

"It is?—Oh so it is!" Said Rei as the other two sweat dropped.

"Hello?" Asked Rei

(Hi Rei?)

"Yes speaking?"

(Ok this is Hiro by the way-)

"Oh hi Hiro!"

(Yeah anyway we need to have a meeting right now)

"Right now but I'm meant to be doing your little bro." Said Rei  
"Rei I'm gonna kill you!" Warned Tyson in the back ground.  
"I KNOW I CAN'T BELIEVE WE HAVE TO MISS OUR AFTERNOON THREESOME TO GO TO A MEETING! Don't worry we'll be there!"

(Rei!)

"Yes? Want me to bring something?"

(No! Just- just hurry up!)

The phone went dead as Rei turned round to notice Max and Tyson flaming at him.

_imagine they two on fire…Hehe that would be funny!_

"Hehe…" Giggled Rei before Tyson and Max pounced on him. Thankfully Rei managed to dodge and was first down the hall.

:BBA OFFICE:

"I'm so glad you're here!" said Hiro as they all took their seats.

"So what's the matter?" Asked Tyson.

"Well there is some news…" said Hiro.

"Bad news as in Max is gonna die or bad news as in you're a retard kinda way?" Asked Rei.

"No nothing like that!" Said Hiro "It's about our team…Two of our main members will be leaving and two will be coming in…we are doing a swap…"

"So who's being moved?" Asked Tyson.

"Kai and Tala" He said calmly.

"WHAT!" They all shouted.

"yes they two left last night and will be back later this year…we don't know when?" He said. The voice was loud enough for Kai and Tala to hear. The door opened and two girls walked in.

"And these are your new Kai and Tala. Yes I know they are girls but they did beat Kai and Tala…so they are worthy to be in this team." The boys looked at Hiro and then back at the girls.

"Cool!" said Tyson and Max. Rei just nodded in agreement

"Well I'll leave you to get to know each other. Tyson and I don't mean you and Max making a 'mess' on my table!" He said as he left the room leaving Max and Tyson blushing.

"Hi! I'm TALA and this moany bitch is Kai!" said Tala as she sat down.

"Yeah hi…" Mumbled Kai.

"So Kai, Tala were did you two come from?" Asked Max.

"We came from a father and a mother. One night they…"  
"I know all of that. I mean what country did you come from." Asked Tyson as he began to get frustrated.

"Wee came from Russia!" Smiled Kai.

_Wow she's cute when she smiles! _Someone thought.

"So you aren't from around here?" Asked Rei. Kai looked at Tala and then back to the boys. A puzzled look came on her face.

"No we come from Russia came last night." Tala looked at her.

"What's the matter?" Asked Tala in her usual voice.

"I am finding it hard to speak English…SEE I'M SPEAKING BLOODY RUSSIAN!" said Kai. The boys looked at the Kai girl…she was speaking in Russian…It was a really big surprise as Russian's usually learnt English as a second language…Tala's figure defiantly got the English language and was able to answer Kai back in Russian.

"Kai just calm down…surely you can speak English?" Said Tala in Russian.

"O.k. I'll try…" Said Kai.

"Sorry guys…Kai's having a little trouble grasping English." Said Tala.

"I am sorry I can't English speak." Said Kai. "Give me a bloody book to make sure I can read!" Said Kai to Tala in Russian.

"Ok!" Said Tala as she ran over and grabbed a book on astronomy. Kai looked at it.

"Tala I can't read…TALA I CAN'T BLOODY HELL READ!" screamed Kai(again) in Russian.

"This could be a problem." Said Tala in English. The boys looked at each other.

"Kai cannot speak or read English properly. It's as though her skills have vanished." Said Tala the boys looked at them as Hiro came in.

"Hi are you all getting to know each other?" He asked as he looked around and saw Kai and Tala smiling.

"Don't tell." Said Kai in English. Everyone nodded as Hiro began gesturing them to sit.

"I have to tell you all something. The BBA have decided that you shall all get an education!" Said Hiro. Kai's jaw dropped.

"WHAT!" Asked Tyson.

"I'm sorry but you will all be private schooled until further notice. Kai and Tala are also getting schooled so nothing will be different." He said before getting up.

"You will take a bus to school everyday. You will be down in the lobby for 8:30 understood?" Everyone nodded.

"What about uniforms?" Asked Tala.

"Don't need them…I didn't think that you should be punished into wearing uniforms ok!" Everyone smiled. At least they didn't have to get uniforms.

_This sucks…I hate school and I'll have to be taught everything…what happened to my voice…why can't I understand English?…why is god doing this to m…he must hate Russians or something…well 8:30 tomorrow can't wait!_

_:End of chapter:_

Anni: finished.

Kai: You love torturing me!

Anni: Yip! But I think it would be cute to have a Russian voice…and can't understand English.

Kai: ok…I guess only speaking Russian could have its advantages…

Anni: See…any way sorry that there is hardly any humour…I had a huge humour block right now…anyway please review!


	3. chapter3

GOD HATES RUSSIANS- Chapter 3

Anni: I'm am like so sorry I haven't updated…loads of exams and fights have been occupying me at the moment…but I will be back to my usual routine with this story. Kool!

Kai: It took you that long to update…GOD! It's been like ages.

Anni: Yeah I no…Anyway thanks to the people who reviewed. I will now acknowledge them:

**Dark mystic**

**Guardian angel Gabrielle**

**FireAngelTears**

**UlTiMaTe KaI LoVeR**

**Mz Hellfire**

Thanks to everyone who reviewed this woohoo now lets get started!

Previously.

Ok here's a summary of the past two chapters Kai and Tala played a prank on Tyson and friends and now are turned into girls by a Russian hating God. Then Kai and Tala annoyed Tyson in their girl forms Kai turned on Hiro and then told him everything and now they are part of the team as the exchange bladers from Russia while Kai and Tala are away The best that happens now is that they have to start a school and Kai can't speak English!

Chapter 3

(Speaking I Russian)

_Thinking things_

"Usual speaking"

Eyes lazily opened as a figure of a stupid alarm clock rang in the back of her mind.

_Ring you stupid alarm._

It didn't ring…so she waited until 6:30 to get up and enter the bathroom.

As she looked at herself in the mirror small phrases floated around her mind.

_I am a girl…._

_Gotta think like a girl…_

_Well I guess I don't have that stupid male puberty problem…_

_I wonder how Tala's coping…_

A she started to change she noticed that she didn't have any of he own clothes…instead she had skirts and really thin tops and really skinny jeans.

_Great…_

She picked out her out fit and quickly put it on. Once she was finally ready she looked at the long mirror in her bathroom. She had decided to wear a long flowing skirt that had many creases on top of it. She words a small bright red top showing most of her stomach and wore a pair of bright red wedges.

She walked over to the mirror and started applying black eyes on and a small amount of blusher onto her cheeks after that she applied lip gloss which made her lips look like ice.

_Well that took longer than expected…it took 20 minutes to find a stupid outfit…10 minutes to fit into in…30 minutes to apply make up…and now I have to do my hair…_

_(Stupid God_…) she mumbled to herself…before walking back into her room and sitting down in front of a mirror that had GHD's and hair products sitting down…

She took the brush and started to brush down her long hair. She clicked on the GHD's and started to UN tug her hair. As soon as the GHD's started to blink she picked them up and started going through her hair. Straitening it as she went down the back of her hair… about 40 minutes later her hair was finally sitting properly.

Slowly she made her way into the kitchen were she met the also ready dressed Tala.

(Morning…) she called annoyed to her friend.

(Hi…still no luck with English) Tala asked.

(Well I can say simple words…just not sentences) she answered going into the fridge to see if they had any food. She ended up pulling a packet of cut fruit and a Capri sun out.

(Hey what time is it?) She asked as she opened the packet of fruit and placed a piece of apple in her mouth.

(Urm…we should start leaving in about 10 minutes…) Tala said.

(Oh…Yeh I completely forgot about school…) Kai said sarcastically

(How can you? This is going to be great…we get to not beyblade for a while!) Tala happily said to her friend.

(How? What do you mean by that?) This made Kai uneasy,

(Well we aren't as strong as we used to be…so that means our blades aren't as powerful.) Tala said standing up and fixing the plaits on her very short dress. I t was plain white with an ice blue line travelling down one side. Her hair was down in a spiky fashion as her pierce blue eyes stood out from the rest of her face. Her pink cheeks showed that she didn't use much blusher, as it would make her look like a doll but just enough so that you could see the tint in her cheeks.

(Wow don't you look like the common slut) Kai said receiving a shocked look on the red haired girls face.

(Well one of us has to?) Kai looked at Tala before laughing.

(Come' on TART! We gotta go catch the bus.) She said as she lifted her bright red bag and placing it on her back. Tala lifted her bright blue bag and slung it over one shoulder. They shut the door behind them as they walked out.

(I bet they get nosebleeds) Kai said giggling.

(Is it too much? Cause I could go back and change) Tala said confused.

(Heck if that's too much mines must be over the top.) Tala laughed at Kai's differences.

(Hurry up I want to get down there quick!) Tala said running on her ice blue pumps.

(Hey YOU! Try running in heels!) Kai retorted.

(I have they were easy. The wedges are like well easier to run in!) Tala pointed out.

(How do you know that?) Kai snickered at the thought of Tala cross-dressing

(Female intuition.) Tala said.

_Female intuition my ass!_ Kai said to herself as they got into the lift and went down stairs were they met everyone else.

After the lift-

"Ahh! Girls that would be a Tarty slip for you!" Called Hiro.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME" A bag was flung at Hiro and knocked him unconscious. The boy turned round to see a very fumed Tala.

"Tala calm down he said Tarty slip…as in lateness?" Tyson said a little scared at how she would react.

"Oh right…sorry!" Tala blushed as everyone else sweat dropped.

"Hi!" Said Kai so that Hiro didn't think that she couldn't speak.

"Hi Kai how was your sleep last night?" Rei asked as he walked out of the elevator and ran up to meet her.

"Ok…Comfy" Kai could only say.

(You do know I can talk Russian. Living with Kai as the captain kinda made you want to understand who he was shouting about…mostly Tyson) Rei smiled as Kai's grin widened but she shook her head to get those thought's out of her brain.

(That's great! I don't have to speak English to you!) Rei blushed as Kai looked at him.

(And just to let you know Kai didn't like shouting at you…) _Why did I say that?_

(He didn't?) Rei seemed a little surprised at this remark.

(Nope not really…He told me just to tell you that pacifically!) She smiled at Rei cuteness._ Why am I thinking that…I'm Kai super sourpuss…can through a death glare that could make people shrivel up and die? Why have I got this sudden 'tingly' feeling inside of me? _

(Kai? Come back to Earth Kai!) Shouted Tala's voice. Kai sighed

(What is it Tart?) Tala growled before walking away from her.

(Hurry up you don't want to be TARTied now do you?) Kai ran after her. (Told you, you could run in them.) Kai grunted before walking to the bus.

"Ok…Girls you can go in first! Boys you can all just wait." Kai and Tala looked at each other and smiled.

"Come' on Kai hurry up!" She said running on the bus.

"Coming!" Kai shouted before running on.

"That Kai girl barely says a thing," Hiro said before walking onto the bus.

(Hey Kai!) His voice caused Kai to look up and blush.

(Hi Rei! Why are you up here?) She said trying to cover up the blush now forming on her already pink cheeks.

(Because Tala's up front moaning at Tyson for some reason…I don't want you to feel a loner…) Rei said now trying to hide his blush.

(Thanks…Here sit down!) Kai shifted over as Rei took his bag of and scooted in beside her.

(So Rei you ever been to school?) She asked trying to break the silence.

(Nope you?) He asked as she looked up.

(Urm…been to two boarding schools and been home schooled…. really boring.)

(Uhu) Rei said looking out the window. Suddenly the bus halted causing a certain blunette to fly forward nearly hitting off the chair in front but was saved thanks to a certain neko-jin.

"Thanks…" She said looking up at him.

"No problem!" He confirmed. Kai blushed as she soon noticed the way she had ended up. Rei was hugging her tightly and she had her arms around his neck.

(Hey you two! Stop kissing and hurry up!) Called the red head as she stood in the isle.

(Hey we weren't kissing!) Called a very embarrassed Rei

(Could have fooled me…) Tala shrugged before leaving the coach. Rei then got up and head down the isle Kai following. As soon as Rei jumped off the last step he helped Kai jump down. They walked silently throughout the tour round the school, quickly stealing glances of each other.

"And this is were you will be staying at break and lunch" The tour guide said to them as she opened a room and led them in. it was huge the size of Kai's bedroom in the penthouse. There was a kitchen area and a lounge with loads of different chairs. Kai smiled as she walked around it…the person said that if they wanted sometimes they could sleep in here just as long as they remember to shut the door and tell the school.

(Wow this is pretty cool) Rei finally broke the barrier of silence between them as Kai nodded.

(Yeah it's so big and spacious!) Tala said sitting on a big couch trying to pull her dress lower so the boy's don't see her underwear.

(Don't worry about her; Her nickname is Tarty Tala. That's why she's like this.) Kai said. Rei laughed quietly before leaving.

(Hey were are you off to?) Kai spat.

(I got hospitality first. I'll meet you at break!) He said before leaving

"Hey where's Rei off to?" asked Tyson as he sat next to Tala.

"Accounts" Kai said as she sat down staring at the door.

_This is strange…I have a certain liking for my neko-jin friend but why? This is bad…I can feel a flash back taking it's toll in the next chapter but will it be fun or will it be full of the hatred that the 'male' Kai had inside him. All I know is that Rei is one of the nicest guys around-Scratch that! Why am I thinking like this?_

Finished the chapter-

Anni: Hehe sorry there were no pranks in this chapter so I promise pranks in the next!

Kai: I can't believe it! Why do I like Rei?

Anni: Urm have you read this time forever…kinda explains it…OH that reminds me! 'THIS TIME FOREVER' and 'LA LA LA LIFE SUCKS!' will no longer be updated ok!

Kai: Why aren't you writing them?

Anni: I lost interest…reviewers lost interest…they deleted it! And I don't like the whole memory thing…

Kai: Well two less fics im in I guess.

Anni: Yip! Well please R&R bye!


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